Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Ummmm.....hi?

It has been awhile. Mostly because I've been doing really, really well. I signed up for this study, so I've been getting treatment for the emet. And it's working! It helps that I have few underlying conditions. (According to my study therapist, just clinical depression, sub-clinical OCD, and sub-clinical hypochondria.) It also helps that I really want to be cured. I find myself getting impatient with my support group when I see people enabling themselves and feeding their phobias. Or when I see people who think that if they can just avoid it forever, they will be cured. I don't think a norovirus vaccine will help anyone panic less. I think the anxiety will just shift. Or there's always the fact that a vaccine will not guarantee 100% protection. So even if you get it, you still won't be "safe". Back when I thought influenza was the same as noro, I didn't get the vaccine because I was afraid it would make me sick. (I still don't get the flu shot. I've never had the flu.) So I really don't think a noro vax will help ease the fear for an emet.

I also read a wonderful post on Anna Christie's blog about not avoiding. She said that if you seek reassurance that you won't be sick, you feed the fear. What you should do is get your person that you seek reassurance from to tell you that you might get sick. But you will be ok. That has been so helpful over the months.

Back in January, I got carsick. I threw up for the first time in recent memory. And I didn't die. (That's what I kept saying to my husband afterward.) It was surprisingly not awful. Not pleasant by any stretch of the imagination, but not awful. And, well, I know it seems weird to say it, but I feel like God had been slowly prepping me. A few weeks before, my husband threw up at his friends house and I left before it happened. Then he threw up at our place, but he told me it was going to happen and I was far enough away for my comfort. Still anxious, but not too bad.

I've gotten so much better that I stopped taking my lexapro. And I can't remember the last time I took a xanax. And I'm only on week three of twelve of the study. 

1 comment:

Michelle said...

I'm glad to hear you're doing well. I find this post really inspiring x

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