Friday, January 7, 2011

Kids and Me

So, I've started nanny-ing. For three kids. 7, 4 & 2.5. Their mom is 15 weeks pregnant. And says that she has been so sick with this pregnancy. But I've been surprisingly good about it. My anxiety doesn't even shoot up when she says anything. Normally, even if it's not contagious, I freak out. So this is awesome.

also the 2.5 y/o frequently says, "I sick." when he doesn't want to do anything. Luckily he says it so cutely and without the slightest bit of sincerity that I don't bother worrying. Which is again, out of character for my and my phobia.

Could I be growing out of this?

They also have two adorable cats. Being a nanny is turning out to be kinda cool.

Monday, January 3, 2011

Emetophobia and the Doctor's Office

Going to the doctor sucks. I'm always convinced that if I wasn't sick before, I will be after being in the waiting room.

So today, my mom INSISTED that I go see a doctor. Because yesterday I had a really sore throat and didn't sleep that night because of the ouchie.

And I've had the crud that just drags on for about two weeks.

But I haven't had a fever, and I've mostly not felt sick. But I felt sick yesterday. So today, mom forced me to see a doctor.

Now, this is actually a funny story.

I get there, ( I went to the clinic at a grocery/superstore because I don't have a regular doctor because our insurance just changed.) and I sign in and take a seat. There was a woman sitting and talking with the receptionist/nurse. A few minutes later she was joined by what looked like her mother and teen-aged daughter. Daughter looked sick. Grandmother was holding a bucket.

They come to the benches to sit down. I panic. Grandmother notices me sitting and sits Girl-with-a-bucket as far away as possible from me. Which I GREATLY appreciated. Mother didn't look too thrilled about sitting near me, so I assured her that I just have allergies.

But honestly, Girl-with-a-bucket was still too close for comfort. Imagine two average park benches side-by-side. I was on one end and Girl-with-a-bucket was on the other end. Yes, that's keeping her out of my bubble, but still too close if something were to happen. However, I thought it would be rude to just get up and move. (Don't ask me why I actually cared about that. Blame my grandmother and her Southern Belle Handbook.)

But Receptionist/Nurse was ready for me! I could move! she asked me for my driver's licence and insurance card. Remember the bit about new insurance? I didn't have the insurance card. Because we still only have one. And of course Mom had it. So she told me to come back when I had it.

So joy! I could wander away from the benches and Girl-with-a-bucket! I wandered far, far away.

When I wandered back, Girl-with-a-bucket was gone. But someone with a hacking cough was sitting where I had been. So maximum distance from Hacking Cough was right where Girl-with-a-bucket had been sitting.

Yeah, not happening.

I found another bench around the corner. It would have been too close to girl-with-bucket, simply for auditory/visual exposure reasons, but it was perfect for not touching the bench she had been sitting on. And being far away from Hacking Cough.

So I read my book. Mom finally got there and I had my pulse checked with a finger thing, sanitized my hands, (because I had not seen her wipe down finger-pulse-checker.) and went into the exam room.

The same exam room I had seen Girl-with-a-bucket go into.

I asked Nurse/Receptionist if the room had been wiped down. She said yes. And that two other people had come through there. (I now realize that only Receptionist/Nurse and the doctor were even working there. The paper on the table had been changed. I highly doubt anything else had been done.)

I cooled my heels in there for a bit and didn't touch anything. Especially my face, nose and eyes.

I finally went to a different room to see the doctor. (Couldn't they have the doctor switch rooms instead of the patient? That would cut down on about half of the possible exposure.) She asked what was wrong. I really had no good answer. My mom MADE me go.

She checks my throat and proclaimed that I had "globs of post-nasal drip pouring down my throat". Mmm. Wonderful imagery.

She told me that there's really nothing wrong with me except the mucus. She asked how I felt about daily nose sprays. I don't like steroids and I told her that most likely I wouldn't use it. I've had that before and I was not a fan. So she suggested cough syrup. I asked if I could get a pill form because I don't do liquid meds.

She seemed pretty exasperated. So I explained a tiny bit about the emetophobia. And the anxiety. And how Girl-with-a-bucket had really freaked me out.

She thought I was nuts.

She didn't say so, but I could tell.

She gave me a prescription for an anti-histamine and something else. She told me that she gives it to kids all the time.

She also to me that Girl-with-a-bucket didn't puke while she was there.

Then, since Mom thought I was sick because I didn't get a flu shot, I asked if it had anything to do with that.

She said it didn't, but why didn't I get a flu shot?

And I managed to explain that one. But she still thought I was crazy.

This is why I don't go to the doctor. I end up looking crazy.

But the pills made the snot stop running, excuse me, pouring, down my throat.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

emetophobia survey

1. Does your family know of your Emetophobia? Yes, and I think they finally understand.

2. Do your friends know of your Emetophobia? Some. All of my close ones know.

3. Would you tell a stranger that you have Emetophobia? I have on occasion. When they needed to know that I would not be ok if someone was sick,

4. If you are currently in a relationship, how long did wait to tell your partner? Not long. Probably the first time he felt sick around me. He's so great about it now.

5. Are you scared to have kids? Yes, but I'm not going to let it stop me.

6. If you are a mom who suffers from Emetophobia, how do you deal with the struggles of your kids being sick? Not applicable yet, but my fiance says he will take care of them.

7. What age did you discover that you had a problem? Well, I only put a name on it two years ago. But I remember freaking out as early as elementary school. So that's about 15 years.

8. What type of methods have you tried to reach recovery? 10mg/day Lexapro, talk therapy, and I'm working on the Emetophobia Recovery System. Also Xanax as needed.

9. When was the last time you have thrown up and why? The last time I actually threw up was probably about ten years ago. I believe it was carsickness. About three years ago, I had an incident where I dry heaved. I'm pretty sure that was from antibiotics and an empty stomach.

10. When was the last time you saw someone else throw up? Last December. I didn't see it, but he ran into the bathroom and left the door open so I could hear everything.
I think it's a really good thing that this is seriously the last one I remember.

11. What type of foods do you avoid? Very few actually. I don't drink milk anymore because it makes my stomach hurt, and I don't really like most seafood. I always overcook chicken, and I always check it compulsively when someone else cooks it. I also won't eat any casseroles or things that resemble vomit.

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