Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Hadija is my correspondence girl. She has a financial sponsor, but I will be writing letters to her. I'm excited and I wrote my first letter today.
Tedi is my prayer child. Every day I check his page and pray for him to be sponsored. He looks so sweet and has the most striking eyes. So if you, or someone you know, feels led to sponsor, consider Tedi, here is his link.
I've also signed up to be a prayer partner. It's something I do anyways, and Compassion International will provide a list of children/things to pray for.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
When I was three, my mom lost a baby. It was a boy and his name was Matthew. That's all I knew for many years. I didn't know his birthday. I was only 3 and I didn't remember much.
Recently, a woman in our church lost a baby at around 30 weeks. Mom was talking to this woman's husband and told him that she lost a boy at 19 weeks on December first and he would be twenty this year.
So I typed in 12/01 on the birthday search to see what would come up. Immediately my eyes were drawn to a little boy named Angel. He is 7 and lives in Ecuador. He had been waiting over 6 months. I felt like this was my kid. This was who I should sponsor.
So I put him on my Christmas list. I don't need anymore stuff. I have so much stuff. I clicked the "Sponsor this Child" button to see what the payment options were. I hit the back button, and it told me that this child had been chosen already. I was crushed. I may have cried. My husband pointed out that this was good for Angel. He had a sponsor. I understood that, and I was happy for him, but sad for me. I had wanted so badly to do that.
The next day, I ran the search again. Angel was back on. I texted my husband, hoping he would tell me to just do it. He didn't. So I emailed my mom Angel's page along with a little note about how this would be a great Christmas present. She was not on board. She said that it was a long commitment, and how much of the money would he get and all the usual doubts. I told her that I was going to do it with or without the Christmas gift. I felt like I was supposed to do this. (This was a little bit of a bluff. My husband was skeptical too and didn't think we should do it right now.) I emailed Mom several Compassion Blog posts, ones that answered most questions she'd asked me. (This was Thursday.)
Thursday night, I prayed. I knelt for the first time in my life to pray. We've just never done that in my family. But I was passionate about this. I wanted to focus. I prayed for God to open my parents' hearts. I prayed that if they wouldn't do it, my husband would open his heart to it.
The next day, (Friday) my mom said she'd talk to my dad. So I waited. I didn't bug them. I prayed a lot throughout the day. I looked at Angel's picture on the website frequently. I had asked that this be an early present, so that he wouldn't be gone by Christmas and so that he would learn about me in time for his birthday. That night, my former college roommate and good friend came to visit. She got in pretty late, so we ate dinner around 10pm. I had texted Mom once asking if she had talked to Dad, around 9pm. She had said, "Not yet".
At 10:53, on 11/11/11, I got a text from my mom that simply said "Yes."
Today I got to hit that "Sponsor a Child" button. I printed out the page with Angel's picture and information. It is my Christmas and birthday present. It is the best present ever. I can't wait to start writing letters.
As we left my parents' house, printout in hand, we saw the most beautiful full double rainbow. God is good. God has a plan.
(I later found out that if you hit the button, even if you don't complete the transaction, the child goes off the page for a little while. So it was my own fault I didn't think he was available anymore. Definitely a wake up call to get it done right away though.)
Monday, October 31, 2011
What is it with my coworkers? I work in a small office off the side of the main building. There are 6 of us here, 2 in offices and the other 4 of us are at a large, 4 person divided desk. Like big table with dividers so it's almost a cubicle. Anyways, one coworker had his wisdom teeth out last friday. Today he is queasy and dizzy. Most likely it's from taking his pain pills on an empty stomach.
Strangely, I'm not as anxious as usual about it. No surge of adrenaline. No shaking. No racing thoughts.
I know my anxiety is cyclical. I know this doesn't mean I'm cured. I'm just having a good day. It's nice to not feel like I'm crazy for a while.
Monday, October 24, 2011
<p>Overheard coworker mention that her other kid is sick now. It's been a week sine the first one was sick. And then the second was ill the next day. So if the third is puking today, the bug has a much longer incubation period than I thought. And I haven't been all compulsive the last few days. But it occurred to me that there's nothing I can do right now. It's all in Gods hands. </p>
<p> In other news, friends and I went to the renaissance festival this weekend. Long drive. Little brother in the backseat. Little carsick prone brother. I slept the whole way up, but I was pretty anxious. And the drive back was kinda nerve-wracking too. As was the actual festival. People drink at ren fest. A lot. But I didn't see anything scary. And I was amazingly calm. But as we all know, the
emet comes and goes. </p>
<p>Every Sunday, on the way home from church, my husband and I drive past this huge historical mansion. It's for sale. We finally called to ask about the price. It's been empty for at least 10 years. The first floor is probably flooded. The roof probably leaks. Animals have probably been living in it. We figured it wouldn't be too expensive to buy, but it would be expensive to make habitable. The person at the bank said $35,000. That sounded possible. So we stopped and walked around the outside and completely fell in love. Went home and googled. The online listing had beautiful pictures. 5 bedrooms. 7 baths. 7 fireplaces. A 50 person dining room. The smallest bedroom is 150 square feet. I was having daydreams about all the children I could foster and/or adopt with a house this size. It's on over an acre of land and I was envisioning kids running all over that with a big dog bounding around too. And maybe a pony. </p>
<p> However, the bank must have been talking about a different house, as the online listing was $1.2 million and the realtor confirmed that as the correct price. We're still going to go look at it.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
It starts with, "Little Jack woke up at 5 and threw up."
Then, "Well now Payton's sick."
And finally, "It's all I can do not to throw up."
So why wouldn't you take the day and not expose your coworkers?
My germ-x is getting a work out today.
Its been half an hour and my hands are already dry.
Only six and a half more hours to go.
But that's only at work. Once I go home, I still get to worry that I've been exposed and it's only a matter of time until I feel ill.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Friday, August 12, 2011
So I went to the local waterpark with my grandma, brother and husband. Befor we left, grandma askes if I have dramamine. Then she finds hers and pops two. I'm confused. The water park is 10 minutes away, and she was driving. Turns out, the lazy river makes her seasick. So I start to get anxious. And then I end up worrying about it the whole time. That could have been more fun.
Husband and I got a fish. We named him Swarley.
Husband and I have been asked to teach a college aged sunday school class. Anyone know a good curriculum? I'm finding a bunch for teens, and a bunch for baptists, but those aren't working so great for me. (I'm presbyterian. And I refuse to tell a 19 y/o college student to only date in order to find a spouse. That's stupid. They're too young to worry about that. I could do a whole post instead of just a parenthetical. Maybe later.)
Ok. That's all I have for today. I apologize for not being as funny as I like to be.
Friday, August 5, 2011
Friday, April 8, 2011
So i'm all fancy now with my smartphone and my mobile blogging. Maybe I'll post more often now.
Here's a good one. Last night, I woke up having a panic attack. Stupid bad dreams. I don't have nightmares often, but the ones I remember are almost always about vomit. And last night's was bad. I don't remember much about it other than the waking up panicked. I put on the relaxation audio that came in my fancy recovery system that I still haven't finished, and it really helped. I went back to sleep just fine.
I'm starting back on my lexapro today. My anxiety has been worsening since I stopped taking it. Also the insurence finally got worked out. I'm going to try taking it every other day because the side effects aren't so great. (Not queasy or anything, but that super fun common one for anti-depressents that I don’t want to elaborate about on the internet.)
Wedding planning is almost all done. Only 43 more days! (I have a super fun countdown on my fancy new phone.)
Fancy new phone is the R2D2 droid. I love it so much. I am such a nerd. I might have also registered for some other super nerdy Star Wars household items. (Hello, R2 peppermill. Oh light sabre chopsticks, how I covet thee.)
And if I knew how to use this phone yet I would link you to those products so that you can experience the nerdy joy. But you will have to google them. (Pro-tip: thinkgeek.com.)
Also I got the most awesome bible app. It's called YouVersion and is awesome. (Awesome app is awesome. And free too.)
And angry birds is the best game ever.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Monday, January 3, 2011
Sunday, January 2, 2011
2. Do your friends know of your Emetophobia? Some. All of my close ones know.
3. Would you tell a stranger that you have Emetophobia? I have on occasion. When they needed to know that I would not be ok if someone was sick,
4. If you are currently in a relationship, how long did wait to tell your partner? Not long. Probably the first time he felt sick around me. He's so great about it now.
5. Are you scared to have kids? Yes, but I'm not going to let it stop me.
6. If you are a mom who suffers from Emetophobia, how do you deal with the struggles of your kids being sick? Not applicable yet, but my fiance says he will take care of them.
7. What age did you discover that you had a problem? Well, I only put a name on it two years ago. But I remember freaking out as early as elementary school. So that's about 15 years.
8. What type of methods have you tried to reach recovery? 10mg/day Lexapro, talk therapy, and I'm working on the Emetophobia Recovery System. Also Xanax as needed.
9. When was the last time you have thrown up and why? The last time I actually threw up was probably about ten years ago. I believe it was carsickness. About three years ago, I had an incident where I dry heaved. I'm pretty sure that was from antibiotics and an empty stomach.
10. When was the last time you saw someone else throw up? Last December. I didn't see it, but he ran into the bathroom and left the door open so I could hear everything.
11. What type of foods do you avoid? Very few actually. I don't drink milk anymore because it makes my stomach hurt, and I don't really like most seafood. I always overcook chicken, and I always check it compulsively when someone else cooks it. I also won't eat any casseroles or things that resemble vomit.