Wednesday, October 6, 2010

emetophobia

emetophobia passed out roommate alcohol

(anyone with emetophobia should know that I use the full words. "Fear of the name increases fear of the thing its self*." I take my advice from Dumbledore, thankyouverymuch.)

Apparently someone found my blog with that google search. I can understand how as I’ve mentioned roommate trouble multiple times, wrote a post about blood donation mentioning how I just about passed out, and in that same post, the nurse swabbed my arm with alcohol. I mentioned once that I was emetophobic, but I linked to a website about it instead of describing it. Emetophobia is a fear of vomit. Emetophobia is a very debilitating phobia and many people don’t tell others that they have it. Because many times you get fuckers who think it’s funny to mess with you and pretend to puke. Or else they say, “Well no one likes vomit.” Yes, but not everyone has panic attacks around the possibility of someone upchucking. Most people with this phobia keep it a secret. But I maintain that that only helps to validate my brain’s aversion. I’m trying so hard to beat this thing. I’m a little scared, because I’m putting myself out there to the internet and I realize there’s a possibility that there are some sick people out there who would get a kick out of sending me photos of people vomiting. Someone did it on the emetophobia forum I visit. (note to anyone who might visit that forum- the images are gone and there are new measures in place from it happening again.) And exposure therapy does not work at all on most emetophobes. It actually makes it worse in a lot of cases.

I really hope whoever did this search found what they were looking for. Because as an emetophobe, that is my worst nightmare. What if my roommate drinks too much and passes out and possibly starts throwing up? (I no longer have a roommate, but this was a regular worry at the beginning of every year when I had new roommates.) I know that I am making inferences about what this person was searching for, but I worry that it was someone who shares my phobia and was looking for help. And there’s not much help out there. There is a wonderful forum with many supportive people who are suffering from emetophobia and a few who have recovered, but I discovered that the forum gave me new ideas. I learned new fears. I also discovered that while my panic attacks are just as debilitating as anyone else’s, my triggers are not as numerous as many emtephobics out there. I can eat at restaurants. I can be around children. I can ride roller coasters. (And I love them!) I can eat meat. I can drink a glass of wine. I can leave my house. I can do so many things that others with this phobia cannot do. Oh, there are things that I can’t handle. But I’m trying really hard not to dwell on those. I’m focusing on things I can do right now. And really, I can do so many, many things.

I’m going on a cruise next month. I’m a little terrified. I’m told that most people don’t get seasick on cruise ships, but I’m still pretty worried. A big part is that once I get on that boat, I can’t get off for four days. Even the longest and most excruciating airplane rides weren’t more than eight hours. (Yeah, my little brother threw up the first time about two hours into the flight. I couldn’t eat or sleep the entire way home. That was the longest 6 hours of my life.) Yes, we all have seasickness patches, and yes, I do have my Xanax now. (That stuff is amazing. I actually slept and ate on an airplane. And if anyone is worried, it’s as needed so I only take it when I’m panicking. And I use it very sparingly because I do not want to get addicted. But the pros and cons of xanax are for another day.) But the long and short of this cruise ship tangent is – Pray for me, I’m scared!

I truly hope whoever searched that found something helpful. And that maybe I can help in some small way. I think I might write more about my emetophobia. I think it will be helpful for me, and if just one person can find help or gain an understanding, I will be happy. Because I’m sure everyone knows someone with emetophobia, even if that person hides it.

I just found an emetphobia blog too! yay!


*quote from Harry Potter (not sure which one) by JK.Rowling.

2 comments:

Anna Christie said...

Hey hi!
I found your blog through a google alert on emetophobia. Thanks so much for writing this article and raising awareness for everyone. I will put a link on my blog to your blog, and it would be cool if you would link to mine. I'm "Sage" on the IES forum! Check out my website - and if anyone needs counseling help I'm a recovered emetophobe and I'm here!
http://www.emetophobiahelp.org

Abby said...

I'm rentaduckie on the IES forum- it helped me through some rough patches!

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